My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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