remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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