This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
