I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
His nipple licking is glorious
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