2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
