I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize