pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
