if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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