I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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