take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
