We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize