sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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