I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
