It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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