can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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