Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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