No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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