You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
