16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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