At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
