Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
