I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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