how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
