just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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