Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I puked a lego.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
