i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize