I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
