I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize