How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
