i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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