no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
