can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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