things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just puked most of my soul out..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
