Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
