Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
