I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
