Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
