I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
