i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
