she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
