in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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