I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
