**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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