My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
