i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
