you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
