I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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