Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
