every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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