i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
