love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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