ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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