i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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