if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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