11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
