Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
