I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
