walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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