The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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