I am spending my child support on dildos
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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