he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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