How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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