I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
