you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
