Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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