I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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