what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
