i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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