you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pants are for mortals
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
