so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
