normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
