Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
