I hate all girls vehemently.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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