do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize