Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I need to align my fucking chakras
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
