I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
