im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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