As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
